Monogamous by Default,
Polyamorous by Choice

Hello, my name is Margitte and I am ambiamorous — which is just a fancy way of saying that I’m happy being monogamous or non-monogamous. 

So why choose polyamory, when monogamy is the norm? In terms of basic logistics, it’s certainly easier to be monogamous. There’s less to calendar, more time for myself and my creative pursuits, and slightly less run-ins with that pesky green-eyed monster that sometimes snakes its way into my heart and squeezes it until it feels like I can’t breathe. And I love my husband. The earth-shattering, ride-or-die, meant-to-be soulmate kinda love.

People — family, friends, acquaintances — see this love and ask me why I choose to be polyamorous when I was happy with monogamy. But to ask that necessarily implies the belief that one only chooses non-monogamy because there is a deficit or some other unhappiness in the existing relationship. 

And while it has been liberating to realize that I don’t need to be my husband’s everything and he doesn’t need to be mine, that’s not why I choose polyamory. 

Instead, I choose polyamory because I believe that love is infinite. Because I believe we each deserve an abundance of love, of joy, of connection and support. (And sex, of course, if that’s your thing.) 

I choose polyamory because no one is my property, and I am not theirs. As someone who is prone to jealousy and attachment anxiety, polyamory forces me to do the work necessary to confront my childhood trauma and its impact on my adult relationships now. I’m slowly learning that I don’t need to possess someone to feel secure in their love for me.

I choose polyamory because I love falling in love.

I love the thrill of that first kiss. How meeting someone new makes me feel like I am new — my stories, my thoughts, the way I smile as I roll my eyes at a corny joke. 

And I love settling into a new love as the butterflies fade and what we have becomes familiar and secure. 

Let me be clear: there is absolutely nothing wrong with being monogamous! But compulsory monogamy will have you believe that you can only experience these things with one person at a time, and that just isn’t true. 

“You don’t fall in love like you fall in a hole. You fall like falling through space. It’s like you jump off your own private planet to visit someone else’s planet.”

Jeanette Winterson

Having multiple loves does not diminish the importance of each love individually. If I date you, it’s not because I’m trying to add you to my entourage of lovers — it’s because there’s something uniquely special about you, and I want to explore your planet and be apart of your world for as long as you’ll have me. For as long as we’ll have each other. 

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