A Poem About Going Home

there’s something i want to say about
the blue-black ocean water of my home
salty and
so cold it feels hot
like the angriest tears i’ve ever cried

there’s a lake too
and across it a long bridge
one side of the lake is always calm
the other side its exact opposite
stormy even when there is no rain

somehow i thought this might be a good metaphor to explain the depression and anxiety that have plagued me since i left

the terrifying feeling i get when i imagine a whale laying on top of me
like i’m suffocating
but it’s all in my head

the pain of self-enforced exile
because i knew staying would be worse

but maybe leaving and coming back
on purpose
is different than staying

do you miss me?

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