How I Spent My Depression Vacation

Okay so.

It’s been awhile. Obviously. And I could regale you with all the chaotic and difficult and sad details, but I’d really rather not. Suffice it to say that so far 2018 has not been my best year ever.

But I’m still here. And for the first time in a really long time, I want to write again.

So let’s catch y’all up to speed. Here are some of the really fun ways I spent my 5-month depression vacation:

  1. I watched every single episode of Game of Thrones, the last three seasons in less than two weeks. I had a lot of really strong feelings about it but honestly it’s been five months since then so I don’t remember what they were. I want Jon Snow to be king though. Of Westeros or my vagina, I don’t really care which.
  2. I started therapy. That’s supposed to be good for you, right?
  3. I held a plus-sized clothing swap for my community in my home. It was really wonderful but incredibly draining and I haven’t done any fat-positive activities since, besides just being a person in a fat, not-dieting body.
  4. I caught up on Jane the Virgin (I love gay Petra!!!!!) and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, rewatched seasons 1-4 of The Office (twice), finished Altered Carbon and The Mist, and was briefly into a reality show about street racing.
  5. I went to Disneyland twice, the most recent time to see my cousins and my nephew who were visiting from Seattle. The highlight was my nephew, who is 4, looking me straight in the face and saying “I DON’T LIKE YOU”.
  6. I saw Black Panther twice and cried. Because fuck, what a beautiful film. And also like, what if white people had just… not enslaved an entire race of people to build this fucked up country on the backs of?
  7. In anticipation of Avengers: Infinity War I watched every single movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe except for Thors 1 & 2 and Ed Norton’s Hulk. Because Daddy Ruffalo is the only Hulk I need.
  8. Speaking of which here are my top 5 Marvel Hunks: 1) Valkyrie, 2) Thor, 3) M’Baku, 4) Bruce Banner, 5) Hulk.
  9. I cut off a significant amount of my hair.
  10. I briefly chatted with, dated, or hooked up with: someone who believes in Bigfoot, someone who says they were possessed by a demon as a child, and someone who may or may not be a 9/11 truther. *SHRUG*
  11. My doctor told me my debilitating back pain wouldn’t go away unless I lost weight, so instead of listening to her I’ve been focusing on increasing my physical activity and my back is feeling so much better. Suck on that, doctor.
  12. And oh yeah, I discovered Shake Shack. YUM!

When you take out all the really stressful and traumatic stuff, I guess the past five months haven’t been so bad. Especially since Cardi B’s “Invasion of Privacy” came out. And while I don’t really expect the hard stuff to get any easier, I’m excited to write again — because going through all that and *not* talking about it was really, really hard.

I missed y’all. Thank you for sticking around.


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