Big Feelings 2: More Poems More Feelings

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at night we sleep with our backs turned
but our limbs intertwined
like sea otters

i don’t want you to float too far away from me

 

 

you know the music that makes you feel like you’re sixteen again?

falling madly in love with everyone who smiles at you sideways
desperate to press your dumb smelly body next to someone and
feel their tongue inside your mouth

the kind of music that makes you feel like you can’t live
if you can’t be touched

do you remember when we used to feel that way?

ha

 

idiots 🙂

 

 

‘skin pain’

the first time i heard these words i didn’t really know
what they meant

but i felt them in my bones

like a sucker punch to my gut
my body knew before my brain could reason it out

i am not a white person desperately clinging to a whispered family rumor
about a great great grandma who was part Cherokee

a claim many of us feel forced to believe
that only serves your colonialist narrative
proof that you belong here

because maybe if you kill all the indigenous people this country will finally be yours

the brown in me
is not from around here
i have not been
where i am from

but what does any of it matter to the brown and black people here right now
i do not blame them for seeing my whiteness first
or only
even though it hurts

am i running from whiteness?
sometimes

the bodies of my brown ancestors have been so thoroughly colonized
by my white ancestors
and i am the end result

my skin burns
in the sun

with shame

i am not a white person even if that’s what my father thinks

 

 

a poem in four words

‘you smell like colors’

 

 

 

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